My husband is in hospice care. Friends say his children are lining up for his money. What can I do?

Dear Quentin,

My husband and I have been married for over 20 years. He had adult children when we married. We live in a different state from his kids for a number of reasons, one being we didn’t want to be involved in the drama from some of them.

We drafted a will 10 years ago where we left everything to each other. The surviving spouse can then determine how much the kids would receive upon their death. We are joint owners of all bank accounts, investment accounts, vehicles, and our home. My husband is now in hospice care and it’s terminal. I have had to beg the kids to come in the last year or so, and they have never shown much interest in their dad or his health, until recently.

I am the sole caregiver and I am still working, as I will need my job more than ever when he passes. No one has ever offered relief for me, and recently one kid expressed surprise when I mentioned their dad’s increased dementia. None of the kids have ever helped with any of his care — and his health has been very poor for the last five years.

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I have heard whispers from mutual friends that some of the kids — not all of them — are lining up to see what they can get upon his death. Are we protected enough?

The Wife

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Dear Wife,

This column receives a lot of letters about stepparents, particularly “evil” stepmothers, but bad stepchildren don’t receive their fair share of letters. In some cases, no doubt, they are the ones writing the letters. Mostly, I’m sorry that your husband is in hospice care and I’m also sorry that during such a traumatic and stressful time, you have to worry about your stepchildren, who have been less than supportive and now appear to be seeking money after your husband is gone.

For that reason, I’m on the fence as to whether your friends’ unsolicited advice constitutes a friendly warning or an intrusion. Arguably, any stepchild will be waiting in the wings, wondering if they’ll see a piece of the pie once their biological parent passes away. Unfortunate as it might seem, we should always write a will as if there are “bad actors” looking for loopholes. That’s why we hire lawyers: to make sure those loopholes cease to exist.

Any further changes to your husband’s financial affairs may depend on the extent of his dementia, and whether he has testamentary capacity.

But to address the heart of your question. First, a caveat: Any further changes to your husband’s financial affairs may depend on the extent of his dementia, and whether he has testamentary capacity. If he does not have the capacity to make financial or legal decisions, the court would likely have to appoint a conservator — in this case, that would be you — to manage his financial affairs.

If your husband has any nonjoint accounts, you should ideally be listed as the primary beneficiary. That way, those funds won’t have to go through probate and, therefore, won’t be vulnerable to legal action by your stepchildren. Even if you and your husband did not leave a will, they would only be entitled to a portion of his separate property. depending on the laws of your state .

Generally speaking, anyone who contests a will must have a legal standing; a child of the deceased is one such person. As always, laws vary by state. In New York, people with standing include those who would have received more assets if the deceased person had not written a will and their estate had been distributed under state intestacy laws, as well as those who would have inherited more money according to a previous will.

Read: Avoid drama with your will by adding this to your estate plan

A 'no-contest' clause

You could also include a no-contest clause in your will, meaning anyone who attempts to contest it immediately forfeits any right to inherit. You could also mention his children by name, specifically disinheriting them or leaving them a token sum so it could not be argued that they were merely forgotten about. Given that you share a life and assets with your husband, the chances they could contest successfully are slim.

There are exceptions to a no-contest clause, says Garmo & Garmo , a law firm based in La Mesa, Calif. "If, despite knowing that they risk losing their share of assets, they still decide to contest your will or trust, they can do so. Under the law, a beneficiary has the right to challenge your will or trust on the following grounds: mental incapacity, duress or undue influence, fraud or forgery, faulty or unlawful execution [and/or] revocation."

Once a no-contest clause is added, your husband’s children would be left with two choices: accept the terms of your will or still choose to contest it. "In most cases, a reasonable person would choose the first option over the second one, since it is the safer choice," the law firm notes. "That said, there are unreasonable people in the world that might still challenge a will or trust even with these provisions in place and the odds stacked against them."

Continue to focus your attention on your husband and pay less heed to his absent children, and don’t let other people’s whispers unsettle your equilibrium. Sometimes, extraneous events and people can be a convenient place to put our frustrations and stress from a singular, epic event such as the illness or death of a loved one. Conserve your energy for the path ahead, and reassign your stepchildren to the role of non-player characters in your life.

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You can email The Moneyist with any financial and ethical questions at qfottrell@media news, and follow Quentin Fottrell on X, the platform formerly known as Twitter. Twitter.

The Moneyist regrets he cannot reply to questions individually.

More columns from Quentin Fottrell:

Can we invoice my father-in-law for a caregiver since he has dementia and is moving in with us?

Will I be able to hide my inheritance from the bank if I have $1,000 in credit-card debt?

"I prepaid our mom’s rent for a year": My sister is a millionaire and never helps our mother. How do I cut her out of her will?

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